At certain time, i have this feeling that i am moving forward to past.
I am neither sad,nor emo now.

But i am just pretty pissed off by how some people tries to outshine others.
They, in one way or another, tries to proof that they will be the best,and act like they already know everything
They behave like they are the smartest in the bunch, and place themselves highly above others.
Also, they boast about their successes and talents to every other people.
This reminds me how we used to behave in our primary school days.
I had lived 4 years of my life with the absense of such behaviour, yet i am seeing it again.
It just tells me how each individual progresses with time.
Some grown much matured, yet some, grown little or none.
I won't deny this actually helps in boosting my fighting spirit, because i don't wish to be triump over by this sort of people, but still, i think that a balanced and less boastful competition and behaviour will work just as well.
By drawing attention through proclaiming loud that you will be the best, dont ever fall, cause you will fall harder then others.
Yes,make sure you really have what it takes to be what you proclaimed yourself to be, or else, when you don't, you will find the pain unbearable.
Seriously,anyone that works his way humblely are a genius to me, but those that works their way boastfully,regardless of how bloody high their IQs is, are just like fools in my eyes.
Because,human beings make mistakes, and you won't know when you will be making them.
The difference between a humble person and a proud person is that, when both fails, the humble person will face lesser or no discrimation and critisism compared to the proud person because they had not-knowingly drawn much attention to themselves.
And among those attentions,there are bound to have people who finds his failure entertaining.
And would bet and pay to see them fail.
Of course,i am not one of those, what i will do is that,i will try as much to be slightly above those kind of people.

Term test is in 2 weeks time.
Hopefully,history will not repeat itself once again.
And i won't be hanging in the mid air when term test arrives.
I browses through my lecture notes whenever i am bored or when i have the time, and had been constantly reminding myself that term test is coming.
I even did a To-Do list on my desktop to make sure that those undone assignment will haunt me even when i am dotaing.
I have also been consitantly engaging myself in photo-shopping because i found out that it works pretty much the same as macromedia fireworks.
But still,i am still lack of that bit of commitment and self-discipline to balance out my timetable well.
Frankly speaking, i don't know whats going on in Computer system and is only mid-way through in PRSP, and if this goes on, i can proclaim myself dead.
Currently,i am working on my Webdesign proposal that will be due next friday and it seems that despite spending the whole of yesterday afternoon working on it, i still have lots of thing not done.
Apart from my webdesign proposal, i have to brainstorm my 100 ideas for Visual literacy that will be due this coming tuesday..The only time i touched them was when i was trying to tidy up my bag and place and scattered notes into my file.And you know, i hate brainstorming, cause i have very limited braincells to zap.
The reason why i am working on the later due assignment is because, i wanna keep my vesak day free!

I have been trying not very hard to find a job, cause i realise i have been making ends meet ever since poly started, and since protestion for a higher allowance has little, and non remarkable increase, it's really time to get myself more occupied.
I am in serious need for more clothing and i realise my shoes is tearing apart.

I have been asking myself what is the factor that has been triggering my moves,and i narrowed it all down to my fears.
I realise that i am actually not a very bold person and neither am i a timid one.
What's stopping my ways are the thought of failure whenever i am making a.
I always think before i make any major decision,but it's never on the optimistic side.
And hence, i aborted certain ideas because i feel that it will not work out right.
This has become a major habit in my life,and it seems to be affecting all my decision.
Some practical examples are like when it comes to sparring, i gets intimidated whenever I face a new opponent,i am afraid to execute any kicks because i am afraid that i will get countered.And apparently,i will end up with lesser injuries if i hasn't think that much.
Another example will be when it comes to performing for a crowd, i gets intimated easily and always feel that i will not be able to perform well,hence,i always make a last minute decision to avoid these performances..And something that i realise about myself is that,i always hold my words, that whenever i say i will not be able to achieve it, it will always come to pass.
This fear thing affects all aspect in my life,even relationships.

Maybe i need more recognision from myself then from others.
I am lack of that self-confidence that others have,that even when someone say i am good, i will agree with them,yet deep down inside, i feel that i am not.